The Green Hornet
Directed by Michel Gondry (2011)
jusco’s Rating: ★
Wow, what a massive, full blown trainwreck. A complete disaster and quite seriously one of the worst films I’ve seen. Is it that bad? Take it from me, it is. In fact, what was Seth Rogen thinking? I expected at least a half-decent film coming from the comedic mastermind that produced works like Knocked Up, Superbad, Funny People, et cetera, et cetera, but The Green Hornet was a disgrace. Basically, it’s a film about playboy-turn-misunderstood-superhero and his Asian butler-turn-martial-arts-trained-partner as they go around fighting crime, at the same time dealing with possible homosexual undertones between the two that lead to constant estrangement over who is better than the other (I was kidding about the homosexual undertones… kind of). Yes, it’s lousy as it sounds.
I felt embarrassed for Seth Rogen. He’s a great and hilarious actor, but I cringed every time he said something along the lines of “Really?” “Wow!” “That was way awesome!” “You were awesome!” “That’s amazing!” “Are you serious?” “No way!” “So cool!” Did you really co-write this with your counterpart Evan Goldberg? You two need to reflect and rethink your thoughts because it needs some serious fixing. In fact, it wasn’t just Seth Rogen I was embarrassed for. I was even more embarrassed for Christoph Waltz and Cameron Diaz, less Jay Chou who butchered the film with his horrendous English. Please, I understand your wanting to break out into the Hollywood scene, but this was a pathetic attempt. I ceased any sort of purposeful endeavour to decipher his coded dialogue just ten minutes into the film.
I observed intently both Mr. Waltz and Mrs. Diaz for some form of redeeming factor; after all, they are more than capable of producing something extraordinary, the former with his iconic Nazi in Inglourious Basterds and the latter in films such as There’s Something About Mary and Gangs of New York. But I could only sigh in despair when both talents were tasked to play such limited characters and small roles, disallowing them to steal the show or at least distract us from the annoying, unwatchable combination of Rogen and Chou.
Ultimately, the story goes down the only path it can go down, the perturbed dialogue is painful to listen to and the characters are so shallow that the actors have no room to play around. Totally unforgettable and a total waste of my time. Do me a favour… no, do yourself a favour and skip this poor, pitiable film.